


Where Are You Now

by sharedwithyou



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Humor, Angstangstangst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Clint Barton Does What He Wants, F/M, Finally A Mindfuck Again, Fluff and Angst, Per Use, mostly angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 10:12:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6113290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharedwithyou/pseuds/sharedwithyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>inspired by Justin Bieber (sorry)- Where Are U Now (why does he even spell it like that)</p><p>“There, now we can play in peace.”<br/>“I’m done playing, (y/n).”<br/>“Well, let’s see what other games Tony has. I heard good things about Surgery Sam-“<br/>“I’m talking about us.”<br/>You looked up at him, concerned. Where was this coming from. “What do you mean, Bucks?”<br/>“I mean I want you to stop messing around with the other guys.”<br/>You backed away from him, hurt. “What are you talking about?!”<br/>He shook his head furiously. “You buddy-up to everyone in the tower-“<br/>“Because we’re all buddies!”</p><p>“So how am I supposed to tell the difference between how you feel about them and how you feel about me?!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where Are You Now

**Author's Note:**

> BOOHOOHOO NOT SORRY
> 
> if you hate justin bieber you will probably still like this fic. just don't listen to where are U now~ although i don't really like JB either but i like that song...maybe because it features skrillex?
> 
> watching the civil war trailer upsets me greatly and makes me feel angsty towards bucky  
> look what you did; you made stevie the bad guy which means making tony the good guy and tony is not supposed to be the good guy  
> plus i love tony and you're making stevie choose between the two of you and that's mean  
> but i still love you bucky
> 
> anyway the fic is ANGSTANGSTANGST AND FEELS
> 
> give me some love if you enjoyed!!!
> 
> XOXO  
> Bucky (who ironically probably makes readers choose between steve and tony constantly)

 

 

“It’s just not fair.”

“Tell me about it babe.”

You were trying hopelessly to braid Tony’s incredibly short hair while he flipped through a Vogue.

“Let’ see; I’d look good in that, I’d look good in that, and ooh! I’d look good in that.”

“Those are all dresses Tony.”

“Hey, if Bowie did it, so can I.”

“Too soon, man.”

“I was serious.”

“Oh.”

 

You gave up trying to French braid and settled with a 2 inch long 3-strand.

“There. Coachella-worthy.”

“Oh hey by the way I got us tix.”

“Really?!?!”

“No.”

“Ugh.” You shoved him slightly with your knee, which he ignored easily. “It’s not like you can’t afford it.”

“Oh, I can. I was just lying about the ‘us’ part.”

“The hell are you gonna do with one ticket?! Try to pick up some drunk girls?”

“If I wanted to do that I’d just throw one of my million dollar parties.”

“Right ‘cause that’s so much more economically feasible.”

“Well even if I was gonna offer you my other ticket, you are now blacklisted.”

“So you did get two!!”

“Right. But I’m saving the other one for someone who will appreciate it.”

“You mean someone who will fuck you.”

“You didn’t let me finish; someone who will appreciate me. In all the right ways.”

“Barf.”

 

“I’d fuck you for one of those tickets.”

“Eww!” Tony blanched as Clint strolled in with pre-gelled locks.

“No fair!”

“Aww, you know I’d just give them to you anyway (y/n).”

“I meant that you already did your hair. And yeah, you wouldn’t appreciate the music. All you listen to is the Beatles.”

“Hey. Don’t knock Ringo.”

“I’ll knock on whoever I like.”

“Yup, that’s my motto too.”

“Shut up Tony,” you and Clint chorused in unison before going back to your bickering.

“Like take that Justin Beaver punk-“

“He’s just one of the many artists playing there!” You retorted defensively. “Besides it’s not Beaver it’s-“

“Blah blah blah,” Clint sang over you triumphantly.

“Clint!!” You kicked him in the shin in annoyance, so he flipped you off.

“You two argue like an old couple.” Tony spoke up from his fashion model-perusing. “And Clint, I’m pretty sure it’s pronounced Bye-Ver.”

“OH my God.” You nearly face-palmed at this mess.

 

“Actually it’s Bieber.”

The boys whipped their heads around in surprise at the voice, or the answer, but you stared straight ahead.

“Look at you catching up on pop culture,” Iron Butt crowed.

“I do what I can.”

“Yeah, it’s not like you were frozen for a hundred years.”

“Hey, don’t pick on Steve,” you piped up, still ignoring the other presence in the room.

“You knock Ringo, I knock your buddy.”

“Who’s knocking?” Bruce walked in, only half-listening. “Jarvis hasn’t said anything.”

“No one’s knocking,” you and your bestie responded in unison. He merely raised an eyebrow in acknowledgement. He was just that cool.

 

“So, uh, (y/n), I was looking to go for a run.”

“That’s nice.”

“Would you like to join me?”

“Pass.”

 

You know I hate running, Bucky.

 

“Come on, (y/n), you could use the exercise.” Tony piped up helpfully. You gave him a death-glare in response, causing him to raise his palms in defensive mode.

“I’ll go,” Clint offered, partly to cover your ass. Mostly to see how awkward it would make Bucky feel.

“Uh, that’s okay, actually.”

Pretty awkward, evidently.

“What, I thought you were looking for a jogging pal?” He was pushing it, and you loved him for it.

“Actually I was just hoping to hang out with (y/n).”

 

Wow; it was a nice save from the Winter Soldier; everyone relished it for about three seconds.

 

“Well why didn’t you just get her coffee or something?” Leave it to Tony to ruin any and all silence; awkward or not. And/or make things more awkward.

“She hates caffeine.”

Well, well, it seems like Mr. Barnes is trying to pick up on our habits. A bit late, though.

“Actually she loves it. We just don’t let her have it anymore.”

“Ever since the Pop-Tart Incident of 15.”

“It was two months ago, Tony.”

“Well, two months ago was 2015 and it sounds more dramatic when I say it like that, boo.”

He knew Bucky hated it when other people used pet names on you; so he switched it up. Tony was annoying, but that was why you were tight.

 

“She likes smoothies,” Bruce offered from the kitchen, surprising everyone. Normally he stayed the hell away from drama, but you guessed everyone was tired of you moping around. Or Bucky creepily trying to socialize in an attempt to reach you. Probably the second one. Bucky could be downright scary.

Not that it had ever bothered you.

Tony said it was because you were too dumb to be scared; but you always thought it was because you were fierce.

Fearless.

 

 

“Fuck!”

Bucky knocked over his king to signify he’d given up.

“Bucky, I only moved like three pawns.”

“I hate this game.”

“Literally, I was like forty moves from winning, if you were worried about that.”

“Chess is stupid.”

“It’s Steve’s favorite game.”

“Well then he’s stupid.”

“Hey, don’t be mean to Mr. Binky.” You were always defensive of Captain Sweetheart; though he probably got made fun of more because of the ridiculous nicknames you gave him. “He’s your best friend.

“You’re mean to Clint all the time.”

“That’s ‘cause he’s an ass.”

“Guilty!” Clint called from above, where he had been ready to morse code you your next move.

 

You were really bad at chess.

 

It didn’t look like Bucky would be finding out anytime soon though.

“God damn it, Clint Why are you always watching everyone in the vents like some sort of stalker?!”

There was actual anger in his voice, but Clint breezed through it.

“Because. I’m Hawkeye.”

“Meh. It sounds cooler when Batman says it.”

“Really?!”

“Yup. Plus he’s got that rich badboy thing going on. Hot.”

“If you’re so into that why don’t you fuck Tony?”

“Because. He has a small penis.”

 

“The hell?!”

Bucky interrupted the lively exchange between besties with his outburst. Clint guffawed as well.

“Do you know that from experience, (y/n)?”

“Has he been naked around you?!” Frosty was not nearly as amused.

“No to both of you. Well, except for the time- actually, nevermind.”

“Woah, this is too good.” Clint dropped down with a plop and pulled up a chair. “Storytime, girl!”

 

“Don’t call her that.”

“Well since you’ve put the ix-nay on babe, sweetheart, hon, and pumpkin, all which I use ironically by the way to hurt her feelings, I felt that a neutral politically-correct statement of her actual gender would be appropriate.”

“Why can’t you just use her name like a normal person?”

“Because, I am Captain Jack Sparrow.”

“…I don’t even want to know.”

“Also because I do what I want.”

“Go away, Clint.” You were having fun, but you felt the slow chill of Metal-Arm creeping upon you.

“Nope.”

“I mean it.” You shooed him away with the blanket you had placed around Bucky to keep him warm. He insisted on never wearing more than a t-shirt. Something about not trying to hide his past.

 

Some people wear their scars as trophies, I guess.

 

“There, now we can play in peace.”

“I’m done playing, (y/n).”

“Well, let’s see what other games Tony has. I heard good things about Surgery Sam-“

“I’m talking about us.”

You looked up at him, concerned. Where was this coming from. “What do you mean, Bucks?”

“I mean I want you to stop messing around with the other guys.”

You backed away from him, hurt. “What are you talking about?!”

He shook his head furiously. “You buddy-up to everyone in the tower-“

“Because we’re all buddies!”

“So how am I supposed to tell the difference between how you feel about them and how you feel about me?!”

 

You wanted to stomp away, but he needed you there at the moment.

You weren’t going to get yelled at for no reason; but if he needed someone to fight back against his demons, you’d do it in a heartbeat.

 

“You know how I feel about you, Bucky.”

He turned away with a snap. “Sometimes I’m not sure.”

“Well, for one, I don’t usually make out with my other friends.”

He let out a bitter laugh. “Except for twice with Tony on Christmas, right?”

“We weren’t together then.” You had been in this endless loop for a while now.

“You knew how I felt about you.”

“I also knew you didn’t want to start anything between us.”

“You could’ve waited.”

“We weren’t betrothed.”

In spite of everything, a small smile slipped out. You were the only one who could do that to him.

 

This thought alone, soothed him.

 

“I care about you, (y/n).”

“Ditto.”

“I don’t want to keep having the same fight over and over.”

“A big old Ditto from here.”

“But I can’t stop myself from imagining; and I know you’d never do it-“

“Do you really?”

 

He stopped, and stared at you with open eyes. The conversation had never gone like this before.

“You say you know I’ll always be faithful, but as soon as anyone so much makes a joke about me hugging someone inappropriately you’re flying off the handle.

“You know I don’t handle anger well!”

“Yes, I do know that. You’ve made it very clear.”

 

He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

 

“What I want to know is; are you going to be projecting all the shit that’s gone wrong in your life onto what’s between you and me?”

“I-“ he didn’t know how to respond. He wasn’t sure of the answer himself.

“Or is there some part of you, however small, that really believes I’ll leave you for another man.”

You stared at him with dry eyes, daring him to tell you the truth.

 

“Would it make a difference?” He almost whispered the words; in case they stung you the way they did him when he spoke them.

You sighed and lifted your eyes to the heavens, keeping the tears from rolling down your face. You’d put on a brave face for him.

“I guess that’s your answer then.” You spoke clearly, so he wouldn’t here the devastation running through your veins.

It was time for the break-up talk; if he had the energy to go through with it.

 

“It’s not you (y/n)-“

“It’s me.”

“No, it’s me.” Obviously, he didn’t get your quip. Didn’t matter, really. “You really are an amazing woman-“

“It’s just not enough.” You let out a bitter laugh, wondering if Tony had been right all along.

 

 

“It’s a lost cause, babe.”

“You’re just a pessimist.”

“Well, my glass of champagne is always half-empty, if that’s what you’re saying.”

“Why should I listen to an alcoholic serial-dater anyway?”

“Because; I’ve dated enough girls to know you.”

“You’re a terrible human being.”

“Hear me out!” He burped, before taking another swig. Sometimes it was easiest to get his real talk when he was smashed.

Even if it was hard to hear.

“You’re gonna try to fix him; and trust me, he doesn’t want to be fixed.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Hey, I don’t want to be fixed either. So, yes I do know.”

“I meant you don’t know that I won’t try to fix him.”

“You’re right, I don’t.”

“But I won’t.” You spoke confidently because you were sure. “I can love him for who he is.”

“Okay, okay, Oprah. Yeesh.” He poured himself another shot. “Let’s say that you can.”

“Yes, let’s.”

“Being who he is, currently, and probably for the forseeable future-“

“Yes, Grinch?”

“How is he ever going to be there for you?”

 

You sighed, before pouring yourself a shot. “I know.”

“I’m not sure you do.”

“Is that a fact?”

“Speaking from experience, darling.”

You nodded, nursing the disgusting vodka before taking it in one fell swallow. “So how many women have you let down in your lifetime, then?”

“Hey, I am not drunk enough for that conversation.” He poured himself a mug of cider, spilling only half of it on the way to his mouth.

“Right.” You rolled your eyes, before getting up with a ruffle of his hair. “Well, night.”

“Off to sleep with your Bucky Bear?”

“Shut up.”

You gave him the middle finger, but he waved you away and turned on the tele with a clap.

 

You didn’t sleep with him; you just slept in the same room.

So when he woke up screaming, you’d be there to make sure he was okay. And sing him to sleep; so that your voice would keep the devil at bay.

 

 

“I love you, (y/n).”

Bucky brought your reminiscing to a screeching halt.

“…huh?”

“But I know I’m not going to get better for a long time.”

You gaped at him with your eyes nearly popping out of your head.

You hadn’t expected him to say that. At least not the first thing.

“The visions; they never fully go away, even with the medication.”

“Bucky-“

“And sometimes I feel myself distanced from reality; and that scares me.”

“I-“

“I know it’s part of the side effects; and I know that sometimes it’s necessary for me to disengage in order to finish up the day.”

You were at a loss of words.

“But I don’t want to lose touch; I may be fucked up, but all the fucked up shit that happened to me also made me who I am. For better or worse.”

 

“I’ll always be the Winter Soldier.”

 

“I know,” you spoke softly, reaching out to stroke his hair. He let you, and you felt something bubble in the pit of your stomach.

“So maybe a nightmare every now and then…might actually keep me sane.”

“Agree to disagree on that one.”

He let out a dry smile. “I just mean; I don’t want to lose who I am.”

“You won’t.”

“And…

 

I don’t want to lose you.”

 

You reached forward to put one of his arms around you, feeling a pricking in your eyes when he tightened his grip and pulled you close.

“No promises.”

And maybe he wanted to kiss you as bad as you wanted to kiss him then; but we don’t always get what we want.

So you sat down with him on the couch, playing with his hair as he leaned on your chest.

 

“Does it bother you when I sing?”

“Honestly?”

“Yes.”

“I love it.”

You ducked your head shyly, as your hair cascaded around his face and yours, creating a little world just him and you.

“Ended up on a crossroad

Try to figure out which way to go…”

 

 

“Midguard to (y/n).”

“Huh?” You snapped back to reality.

“Brother Barnes was asking if you’d like to get some ice cream.”

“Stop zoning out like that, (y/n). It’s weird.”

“At least you know I’m not mentally masturbating like you, Tony.”

“Hey! I do all my jerking off in this realm!”

Thor shook his head, not completely sure what he meant, but pretty sure he was using “in this realm” wrong.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, just throw him a bone (y/n)!” Clint tried to shove you off the couch.

“Who’s boning whom?” Bruce also popped back into reality from the world of theoretical physics.

“Oh my GOD.” You nearly burrowed into your own lap from frustration.

 

“Sorry, but (y/n) and I are going to practice the routine from Dirty Dancing for the Avengers Talent Show next month.”

“…” Bucky had absolutely no response prepared for this.

“There’s going to be a talent show?”

“That’s right. Get with it Bruce.” Clint had the reflexes of an Eagle. Or some other bird.

“Let me go get my oversized t-shirt then.”

“It’s not a dress rehearsal!” Tony reprimanded before dragging you to the room he had remodeled with floor-length mirrors and a barre.

 

“Good try, Bucks.” Thor slapped him on the back, before heading off to buy some more Pop-Tarts.

“Meh, fair at best.” Clint commented.

“Bruce? Any thoughts?”

“Yeah. I think I forgot to unplug my microscope.”

Bucky let out a long sigh, staring at the floor. He let the silence fester for a bit, before finally speaking.

 

“Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?”

 

“I hate to break it to you, man, but I think she already has.”

 

“Here. Have a tissue.”

You mopped your eyes, sprawled out on the wooden floor like a deflated parade float.

“It gets better, you know.”

“How would you know? Experience?” You blew your nose like a foghorn and stuffed the used tissue in one of your pockets.

“Hah! Hardly.” He squatted next to you with a cheeky grin. “Well, there’s always revenge sex.”

“Pass.”

“I didn’t say with me!!”

“Well, obviously.”

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?!”

“We both already know how I feel about you.”

“Mind-boggling annoyance mixed with helpless adoration?”

“Mostly the former.

“Meh, I’ll take it.”

He leaned closer and pulled your hair behind your head into a ponytail so it wouldn’t get wet. “Wow, you look like a butch with your hair up.”

“You’re the butch.”

“I think the word you’re looking for is bitch.”

You let out a half-sob, half-snort, and Tony grinned.

 

This should’ve been you, Bucky.

 

**_Where are you now?_ **

 

“I hate to say I told you so, (y/n).”

“That is a crock of shit.”

“Hmm…maybe a half-crock.”

He gave you a half-smirk, but you merely reached out to touch his face in response. He tilted his head at you, allowing access to the hair behind his ear, where you had tucked the braid.

You shook your head; that’s not what you meant.

“I’m not looking to be a rebound.” His voice was teasing, but you saw the truth his handsome brown eyes.

“I know.” He stiffened at this, leaning back slightly. “You never were.”

“Agree to disagree.”

You let out a dry laugh, remembering his arms looped around you, and his tongue sloppily running against yours. There hadn’t even been mistletoe.

“Well, that had been fun anyway.”

“Best Christmas present ever.”

“Even better than the Pontiac G6?”

“I only got that because of the Far East Movement song.”

“Hmm.”

“Plus, cars are a dime a dozen.”

“For you, maybe.”

He shook his head, smiling.

 

“It’s okay, (y/n).”

 

“I always knew you needed me most.”

**Author's Note:**

> AS;KFJLAKJDFL AHHHHH
> 
> leave a comment if you liked!!!
> 
> random ramblings:  
> I'M NOT SORRY.  
> if it's anyone versus tony, 99% of the time tony will win
> 
> quick poll 1: TONY OR BUCKY?  
> ...BASED ON THIS FIC GUYS.
> 
> poll 2: did you have an idea of who lovely would go to if she and bucky didn't work out (i kind of made clint slightly available but not so much as mindfuckery, more because i love clint and that just happens to.. well, happen)
> 
> the oversized shirt reference was actually flashdance instead of dirty dancing, but i know the choreography of dirty dancing better (actually the plot too) so i just left it
> 
> I skipped the part where reader and bucky drift apart/ bucky hurts her too much so she leaves, mainly because i felt like this was angsty enough as it was. and the way it was written it was proably understandable/easily imaginable how the two of you would split up
> 
> i originally wrote this with just Bucky/Reader angst... didn't add the tony part until revisions
> 
> surgery sam- shoutout to bob's burgers, as usual!!
> 
> poll 3: which part was your fav? angst, fluff or humor?  
> humor for me- actually i think it's pronounced bye-ver *facepalm* really tony?!?!
> 
> “Ended up on a crossroad  
> Try to figure out which way to go…”~ lines from another JB song.. life is worth living i think... i read from one of my friends who said it was inspiring for her, and i figured i'd stick to the JB theme... this is probably going to be the only JB-related fic....
> 
> “I always knew you needed me most.”~ SQUEEEE!!!! also spun off a line from JB's song when he goes Where are you now that I need you?  
> I need you the most  
> it sounds less boring in the song...
> 
> the main part of how the song inspired the fic was when tony's having his drunk real-talk with lovely and he's like, you know he won't be able to be there for you right?
> 
> i didn't bother specifying what actually happened in which bucky couldn't be there for you (i didn't want to specify like a family death/traumatic event for trigger reasons, and because i didn't think leaving it out would take away from the story anyway)  
> in fact, it's quite possible to read it as you got so tired for being there for him, and he was unable to make you feel loved/give you what you needed in exchange for all the energy/time you were giving him
> 
> in the end, when lovely feels she can't be with bucky anymore, that feeling alone is something over which she wishes Bucky could be there for (even though it really doesn't make sense logically)
> 
> anyway, i'll probably write something less sad soon  
> if you're in the mood for more angsty feels, head on over to read about pietro/quicksilver in roller coasters =)  
> *complimentary tissues included*
> 
> that's all this time lovelies!! thanks for reading!!
> 
> XOXO Bucky (who also can be a heartbreaker sorry)


End file.
